gray deepens

grayWinter flows from day to day gray.

of a color intermediate between black and white, as of ashes or an overcast sky

Michigan does not see the sun in abundance over the winter months. This winter unseasonable cold arrived, like most people are experiencing. Also, snow, we have lots and lots of snow. We even had five snow days in a row… a gift, but all this added up leaves a little crazy.

The last snow day, the kids were rolling around in laundry baskets on my bed yelling boomer babies. This past Saturday at 9:30 am Ellie was in the kitchen hauling out salsa con queso and tortilla chips.

snowI had moments the month of January where I felt completely lost. I found myself standing in a room and thinking what in the world am I doing? Everything seems crumbly and not good enough.

Just like endless winter, I long to fast forward sometimes. I want to make the huge difference… I want the published book in my hands… I want to be everything to everyone all the time.

The first day that feels like spring in Michigan is magical. Thanksgiving cannot help but well up in your heart. There is sun finally warming your face. You do not have to wear all the gear anymore. In Josiah’s words, “I can’t stand to put it all on again! It’s like getting dressed a hundred times a day.”

It is winter that makes it sweeter though. The struggle, the dig deep, the persevering makes it deeper when it comes. That is us. That is proximity.

We are the people who carry others through the gray of winter seasons.

carryI was sitting at my desk Saturday night, completely lost. I had just read Ann Voskamp and a million other women who are amazing writers, confident and strong, very un-me. I took a break to check a message on facebook, and one of my dear friends had taken the time to encourage me. It meant everything in that moment, the gray seeped to sun.

That is us.

That is proximity.

This verse:

revelationEven in gray there is an open door to love. You can always give that.

Where does gray show up for you? Can you find open doors through it? 

13 thoughts on “gray deepens

  1. It’s so true. I never really appreciated spring until I experienced a Michigan winter. I too get so stuck in the “when will’s” or “I’ll nevers…” You are doing a wonderful job here and at home. I love coming to your blog because I always leave encouraged. You help carry a lot of people through the grey!

  2. Very nicely said! You’ve really captured the ‘gray’ emotion and reality.

    It shows up for me on ‘bad days’ of illness, and I’ve had a lot lately. These are the days when getting anything done beyond the absolute necessary action items seems impossible. It hurts to stand, it hurts to think!

    The open door is simply the knowledge that I have the same 24 hours a day that everyone else does, and I can indulge in self-pity, or put one foot out, and then another.

    Granted some things are more limited – you can’t do what you can’t do, but you CAN do a lot more than you thought you could. Even if you’re spitting blood at the end of it.

    As an example, tonight I did not want to write my blog – at all. But I pushed out one sentence, and then the next. Sure, it hurt to sit up and type, but it’s done now. Sure, there was a physical price to pay, but the satisfaction of having ‘done it’ does compensate.

    • You have a wonderful attitude, we do all have 24 hours. I’m so sorry those hours are hard sometimes, but thankful you still put yourself out there and encourage, and are home to so many dogs that need a place to call their own.

  3. “We are the people who carry others through the gray of winter seasons.” I couldn’t help but to think of the many others carrying me right now. This was beautiful, Lisa, and a reminder for me to be one who helps others through their grey.
    Blessings to you, friend.

  4. Pingback: the broken that extends | About Proximity

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