about doubt. his is a steadfast love.

psalm

Self-doubt slays me every day. It’s not a season of doubt that attaches itself to me. It’s perpetual, exhausting, crippling on a daily basis. One of my biggest doubts is writing. Sometimes, writing here is hard for me. There are so many voices out there. In my real life, I listen more than I speak. I’d rather be in the background of everything and anything.

When people tell someone else I am a blogger, I feel very self-conscious.

I love to write. I love to encourage. I love to offer hope. This space in not about me. It’s about your voices, and all the people and places who make such an enormous difference in the lives of others. That is how I reconcile my doubts.

 

Even if I fail, I hope I am still making a difference.

Even in my trying, I am still able to offer hope.

Coming into this new year, I was already on my knees. Another reason why kneel is such a good word for About Proximity.

I’ve been staying up too late at night; worrying, doubting, staring at piles of laundry. In some weird moment of grace I came across this quote, by Heath Ledger of all people, that perfectly sums up how I feel about all this.

It’s kind of a rule of thumb for me to self-doubt going into any kind of project. I always think that I shouldn’t be doing it and I don’t know how to do it and I’m going to fail and that I fooled them. I always try to find a way out.

Heath Ledger 

And then this because all to often I hold back,

If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.”

Yann Martel, Life of Pi

And this… 

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

This is what I can do… hold close to God in faith. His is a steadfast love, despite my weakness in doubt.

Where does doubt seep into your life? How do you rest in God’s steadfast love in the midst of self-doubt?