When I was presented with the question “What is your calling?” my mind started scrambling for something worthy of writing down. To me, “calling” means purpose. It means passion. I thought of a few things I am involved in that I could pretend I was most passionate about, but my heart kept drawing me back to what I know is my true purpose right now.
Lets start at the beginning. I was thrust into motherhood at the tender age of nineteen. I had no idea what I was doing and it didn’t feel all that important either. God allowed me to roam around looking for my “calling” in those first years of motherhood. I wanted it to be something important out there. By “out there” I mean out of my home, away from my family, in public view. Certainly God couldn’t be calling me to just be a mother. So in an attempt to find purpose I did mission trips, led GEMS, trained for prayer ministry, became a youth leader, and so on. None of those felt like they were it.
The past few years God has been drawing my heart back to my home.
My it? My great calling right now? Motherhood. Simple, non-glamorous, I know.
Lets face it, cleaning puke off a crying child at midnight doesn’t earn a spot on the missionary bulletin board at church. It doesn’t even draw forth a thank-you most of the time.
But mothering truly is my passion now.
I don’t want you to think for even one second that we’ve got it all together over here just because I am passionate about being a mom. We are not Pinterest-worthy. We’re a messy bunch of people. Both figuratively and literally. (I can’t even count the times my boys have worn holey jeans to church, or forgotten their underwear, or skipped brushing their teeth. The times we’ve forgotten to do family devotions FAR outnumber the times we’ve done them. And let’s not even talk about the yelling and the fighting.)
And most of the time I downright stink at this. I really do. But the purpose of my calling is not to be a perfect mother. It is to have an open, humble heart to learn from the perfect parent – God. Perhaps my imperfection is the reason this is my calling. God knows that failing constantly and crying out to him for more mercy and guidance every day is what will break me and then grow me. And it will grow them. And that is my passion.
Share a way God has worked through you, part of your redemption story:
My redemption story is not a story of one miraculous rescue, but a series of rescues. Because of rejections and woundings in my life, I spent most of my life feeling unloved. I lived by these woundings and in turn my life bore the scars of rebellion, teen pregnancy, addiction, depression, pain and self-loathing. But God, in his infinite grace, has been whispering his love to my heart right from the start. Sometimes I can not hear him. But there are times where His voice breaks through the drone of the world’s noise and I once again see who he is, and then I can run to his arms. And at those times God is able to change my heart. He faithfully picks me up, once again, and proves his love for me. By God’s grace, I can say that I no longer see myself as a victim. I no longer see myself as damaged goods. I no longer define my identity by my sin, but by the way God sees me. His goal is for me to know I am his beloved. My redemption story is ongoing. I pray it will not end until the day I see His face, and I pray that at every turn in my life God somehow uses my story to bless others.
How do you place yourself in the proximity of renewal?
Although my family is my number one ministry right now, God does use my limited time and resources to focus me on other ways of renewal/service for short seasons. From a youth group lesson I feel inspired to share, to helping my son raise money for a well in a third world country, to praying passionately for an issue God presses on my heart, to blogging about human trafficking, to bringing a meal to a family. These are all moments in time, short periods of my life, where God gives me incredible passion for something. When I have full filled what he has asked me to do, I am released from that burden and I just keep on living my number one calling. For now, I don’t feel desire to be committed long-term to any of the these things. But that’s not to say I won’t in the future. My greatest desire is to follow God wherever he leads me.