I am a doubter.
I am a worrier.
I am an obsessor.
Sometimes I forget…
under the weight of responsibility
under the drive of dreams
under my inadequacies
I asked Ellie and Josiah to take out the trash and recycling for me. When I returned to the kitchen, Josiah stood on the counter cranking the window open.
“What are you doing, why aren’t you helping Ellie?” I asked.
“I am helping Mom, I’m watching her,” he replied.
Helping is not just watching from a distance. Distance is not proximity.
The last year of writing has at times been difficult. Sometimes behind the computer screen, I felt too alone with worries. I felt the heaviness of doubt. I still feel it. I knew that I needed a better balance. The closed doors have been remarkable, one right after another.
Then the answer came, when I least expected it.
I will be going back to school this year. My children’s school. I will be working in a role where I am able to encourage and support, the very thing that I love the most. Peace settled over me, my balance. This gift will anchor me to the world around me and only deepen my writing of that I am certain. I won’t be looking out the window… I will be in proximity.
I have a friend that has been in an in-between time like me. She knew about all my closed doors and my doubt. I sent her an email- you are never going to believe this…
Only she did, oh how he loves you Lisa.
Those words. The words I did not think of.
He loves me. He loved me enough to make me wait, to wait for what was perfect. It leaves me broken to think of it.
I share this because it’s how he feels about you. No matter how alone, broken, scared, or defiant you feel. Oh, how he loves you.
I hope you feel this when you read About Proximity.
Oh, how he loves you.
Oh, how he loves when you place yourself in proximity to his people.
Has God ever surprised you with his love? Or are you in a desert time? How can we pray?